


Speed Dial

by brinshannara



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fix-It, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 15:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17246375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brinshannara/pseuds/brinshannara
Summary: A short one-shot that takes place on New Year's Eve, 2018.





	Speed Dial

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos remind me that, though I write primarily for myself, others do appreciate it when I put my stuff out there. Thanks for reading and happy 2019!

2018 had possibly been the second-worst year of her life, Alex decided, as she climbed the stairs to her apartment the night of December 31st. And it had only been the second-worst year of her life because 2017 had been the worst.

She sighed as she opened the door to her floor. Well, most of it had been amazing, she corrected herself, but the last few months of it had probably been the absolute worst period of her life, including losing her father.

She unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind her. The apartment was dark and somewhat chilly. She sighed. It suited her mood, but she forced herself to turn on the lights. She pulled her gun from its spot under her jacket and placed it on the bookshelf by the door. Then, she draped her jacket across the back of the stuffed chair in the living room and headed to the fireplace. First, she opened the flue. Then, she collected bits of kindling and organized a small pyramid shape, on top of which, she placed thicker logs. She shoved old newspaper into the space under the kindling and then reached for her long matches. She ran the tip of one along the side, striking the match, getting a flame and lit the paper. She watched as the bright orange flames licked the dry wood of the kindling, embracing it, before they would consume it. Satisfied that the fire would take, she slid the protective glass shield into place and went to the kitchen, snagging her phone on the way.

Alex put on the playlist she'd been listening to of late. It was mostly Barenaked Ladies songs that were mournful or wistful. She tapped her phone setting to send the music out to the living room speakers. She was in the mood to hunker down and let the new year come and go without celebration or any real acknowledgement.

She then poured herself a whiskey, noting the time. It was just about eleven. Just one more stupid hour before this year was over. It would have made her feel better if she felt she had anything to look forward to, but the truth was, she didn't. She downed the whiskey in a single gulp, enjoying the burning sensation as it flowed down her throat. She poured another and then grabbed her phone on her way to the couch.

With Colonel Haley on her ass pretty much all the time, with President Baker keeping close watch and with Kara no longer part of the DEO, Alex felt adrift, professionally. She had  _ never _ felt so lost at the DEO. From the first day, when Hank — J'onn — had recruited her, Alex had felt as though she had a real  _ purpose _ . J'onn stepping down had been a difficult transition for her, but it had represented a new step in her career and she'd been excited.

She sat on the couch, heavily, and took a sip of her drink before putting it on her coffee table. She sighed. Maybe she didn't want to be part of the DEO any more, she considered. Without Kara, without full autonomy, what did the DEO still hold for her? Even Winn had left, leaving her with Brainy in his place. Nothing was the same.

As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to look forward to at work in the coming year.

And personally? She snorted at herself as she pulled a knee up to her chest and rested her chin on top. Kara had, once again, gone off to a whole other Earth without telling her about it first. And, once again, she had saved the world. That world. Where there'd been another Alex Danvers. A straight Alex Danvers. Yeah, that had definitely wigged her out.

On the bright side, she considered, she hadn't accompanied Kara and then faced a firing squad of Nazis, so that had been a plus. Still, her sister had the most irritating habit of just breaching off to another world without so much as a text message. And now Clark and Lois were heading to Argo, which meant  _ her sister _ was now the lone defender of Earth. On their Earth, anyway. She frowned; that someone considered them Earth Thirty-Eight still rankled. Alex sighed and took another sip from her whiskey and put it back down on the table. She gazed ahead into the flames of the fireplace.

Alex blew out a breath. Then, there was her love life, or lack thereof.

She'd been on a couple of dates with a few women. It wasn't the same. It wasn't anything like it had been with Maggie. There had been little chemistry, no give-and-take, no friendly banter. The dates comprised of boring small-talk. The women weren't smart, not like Maggie. Alex needed a partner who could challenge her, who wouldn't take her shit, who would push back, if she needed it. So far, no one even came close. She slouched down and rested her head on the back of the couch, listening to the music, recognizing the song as  _ Call and Answer _ , hoping to let it encompass her, so she could stop thinking about Maggie.

_ You think I only think about you when we're both in the same room _

_ I'm only here to witness the remains of love exhumed _

_ You think we're here to play the game of who loves more than whom _

_ And if you call, I will answer, and if you fall, I'll pick you up _

She sat up, a grimace on her face. Alex picked up her phone and went to her contact list, staring at the two numbers on speed dial — Kara and Maggie. She would absolutely answer if Maggie called. But Alex knew she wouldn't. She hadn't heard from Maggie since she'd texted to get her passport. That had been months ago. She frowned.

"God, it's been almost a year," she said aloud. "I haven't heard from her in almost a year. Not even a thank you for sending her passport over." She tossed her phone on to the coffee table and picked up the glass, taking a large mouthful. "What happened to, to... not wanting to imagine your life without me in it, Maggie?" she demanded of her empty apartment.

Alex knew exactly what had happened. She'd made a decision. It was Alex who‘d decided they couldn't be together, not if it meant that she couldn't be a mom.

She finished the whiskey and put the empty glass on the table in front of her and stared into the fire, the sounds of  _ Some Fantastic _ seeming to grate on her nerves instead of soothing her.

_ There's a lot I will never do _

_ Some fantastic, I know it's true _

_ But none as much as my want to be with you _

_ Bye bye self-respect _

_ I haven't had much of it since you left _

_ I missed out on the best of you _

Two drinks in, alone on New Year's Eve, her ex-girlfriend on speed dial. It was a bad combination. Angrily, Alex picked up her phone and went back to her contacts and decided to delete Maggie's number from speed dial. Maybe she wouldn't delete her number entirely, but taking her off speed dial was a step in the right direction. She could do that.

Her finger slipped, and she stared, in horror, as her phone tried to call Maggie's.

Her eyes went wide and she tapped frantically at the cancel call button. She slumped in relief when the call ended. She exhaled. Crisis averted.

Except then, a moment later, her phone rang and the caller ID showed it was Maggie.

Alex yelped and dropped the phone on to the table as though it were on fire. She stabbed the decline call button and then turned off the sounds. And then, for good measure, flipped the phone over on the table, swearing not to touch it again until morning.

She got up off the couch and got herself a tall glass of water and downed it before refilling it, then turned down the lights as the light from the fire was enough for her. Alex set the water down on the coffee table and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch. She planned to fall asleep by the fire on her couch, Barenaked Ladies playing softly in the background, and she'd wake up in 2019 and hope it was, somehow, better than this dumpster fire of a year.

As she lay there, breathing deeply, relaxing to the sounds of  _ Blame it on Me _ , she noticed it was already past eleven. Her eyes sagged shut. 2018 would be over soon.

She woke up to a loud noise. Someone was pounding at her door. She frowned and sat up, still a bit disoriented. She grabbed her gun from the shelf and looked out the peephole and her jaw dropped.

"Danvers, open up," a very insistent Maggie Sawyer called out as she continued to pound her fist against the door.

"Fuck," she whispered, putting her pistol on the shelf. She took a breath and opened it. "Uh... hi?" she said, much more calmly than she felt.

"Finally," Maggie said, walking right into the apartment, without invitation, as though she owned the place. "What the hell, Alex?"

"What?" she asked, annoyed at the interruption and now this complete disregard for her privacy. She shut the door and folded her arms across her chest.

"You called me."

Alex blew out a breath. She had, at that.

"Then, you declined my call. And you didn't return the call. You didn't even read my texts," Maggie said, pacing around the living room. "I was out of my mind with worry."

"What? Why?" Alex was still annoyed, but she was more confused than anything else.

"Because, Danvers, normal people pick up their phones or respond to texts."

"Well," she said, "I'm sorry you worried. I'm fine."

"Jesus, Alex, I even tried calling Kara."

"You called Kara?" she asked, eyebrows raised. That was unusual, to say the least.

"Yeah. That's how worried I was," Maggie said, stopping and standing by the fireplace, her hands on her hips. "What the hell was I supposed to think?"

She shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What happened? Why did you call?"

Alex shut her eyes and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, I'm not... I won‘t get into this with you right now."

"Danvers, you scared the shit out of me. I deserve to at least know why."

Alex knew the look on her face. It was closely related to the look Maggie used to get when Alex wouldn't clean out the fridge after promising to do so. It was also fairly similar to the look Maggie would get when Alex was under orders to rest and she wouldn't. She knew from past experience that there was no defense for that look.

She sighed. "I was feeling sorry for myself and I tried to delete you off my speed dial and it accidentally called you, okay?" she said, going back to the couch and sitting down.

Maggie didn't move for a moment. And then the laughter started.

"Wait, wait," she laughed, "you were sitting here," she continued through her laughter, "listening to Barenaked Ladies," she said, pointing up, "drinking, in the dark, on New Year's Eve, and you thought," she laughed, "you thought  _ that _ was a good time to remove me from speed dial?" She was laughing hard enough that tears were forming in her eyes.

"Sure, sure, go on, laugh it up," Alex grumbled, picking up her phone. She'd missed three calls, all from Maggie. Her eyes widened. "You sent me  _ fourteen _ texts?!"

Maggie was still laughing and somehow got to the stuffed chair. She doubled over; the tears spilling down her cheeks. "I was worried!" she exclaimed, still laughing, wiping at the tears on her face.

It was infectious. Alex found herself chuckling. It  _ was _ rather silly, all-told. "I can't believe you tried calling Kara!" she laughed.

Maggie was still giggling. "Oh God, please apologize to her for me," she said, "she's gonna have a couple of angry voicemails." She stopped laughing long enough to take a breath before the giggles started up again. "You, uh," she giggled, "might want to text her and just tell her you're fine."

Alex raised an eyebrow and, still laughing, texted Kara. "I'm not sure what Maggie told you, but I'm fine, don't worry," she said aloud before sending the text.

Maggie laughed again. "Oh, she is not going to be happy with me."

She giggled. "She's up at the Fortress," she explained. "Cell service isn't great up there."

"Ah," she grinned. "Right. Well, you're alive, so that's good. You've hopefully prevented Kara from stranding  _ me _ at the Fortress because of that text, and you gave me probably the best laugh I've had this year," she said, slapping her thighs and then standing. She wiped the remnants of tears from her cheeks. "So on that note, I should, you know, let you continue your, uh... drinking session?" She giggled again.

Alex sighed with exasperation. "It... it was more of an end-of-year reflection, really," she said. "And then this whole chain of events started when my finger slipped."

Maggie snorted and started laughing all over again.

"What? What's so... OH." Alex felt all her blood rush to her face, which she then buried in her hands, remembering one particular, rather inopportune time that her finger had previously slipped. "You  _ swore _ you'd never mention that again!" she mumbled.

That only got Maggie laughing even harder. She sat down on the couch next to Alex, clutching her midsection, laughing hard enough she was barely even making noise.

It was almost painful, recalling certain memories, especially of that nature, but Alex had to admit that some of them were funny. Mortifying, but funny. She peeked out from behind her hands and saw Maggie in the throes of silent laughter and she started laughing again, too.

Finally, after what had to be several minutes, the two of them managed to pull themselves together.

"For what it's worth," Alex said, nudging Maggie's shoulder with her own, "I'm sorry I worried you."

Maggie smiled. "That's okay," she said. "I, uh..." She cleared her throat and stood up. "It was good to see you, all things considered."

Alex looked up at her, smiling. "Your hair's gotten long," she said, softly.

"And yours has gotten short," she countered.

Alex self-consciously ran her fingers through her hair.

"It suits you," she said, quietly.

"Thanks," she said, blushing a bit. She stood up. "And, uh, hey, thanks for checking in on me. You didn't have to do that. I mean, it's New Year's Eve, you were like, probably out or something."

Maggie shrugged. "I was at home," she offered. "Alone," she added.

"No, uh, hot date?" Alex asked, weakly.

Maggie looked up at her. "Alex," she said, "no."

She swallowed. "No?"

She shook her head. "No."

Alex bit her lip as her stupid heart surged with hope.

"Well, I'll, uh, I'll head out," Maggie said, walking towards the door. "Although..."

"Hm?"

"Mind if I ask you something, Danvers?"

"What's that?"

"Why on earth am I still on speed dial on your phone?"

There were a million different answers to that.  _ Because I'm still in love with you. Because I miss you. Because I can't bring myself to delete your number or your photos from my phone. Because we belong together. Because you were going to be my wife. Because we were supposed to spend forever together. _ She sighed. "I, uh, I haven't been able to delete your number."

"Why not?" she asked, gently.

The same answers flitted through her head. "You've been there since October 2016," she answered, instead. "I remember the moment I put you on speed dial."

"Oh?"

"It was before we went to Roulette's fight club," she said. "After you called me to come see the dead body in the dumpster?"

"Ah," Maggie nodded. "That was a long time ago," she said. "And a lot has happened since then."

"Yeah," Alex said, sadly. "A lot." She wanted to say more. She wanted to take Maggie into her arms and never let her go.

Maggie's phone beeped. "Oh," she said, smiling at it. "Would you look at that?"

It was a message from James, wishing her a happy new year. It was midnight.

"You know, Danvers," Maggie said, "I spent a lot of time thinking about this year."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Thinking about how my wife and I would have gotten married in January, in front of the people we loved. And the people who loved us. Thinking about how we'd get that dog we always talked about."

"Gertrude," she added, a sad smile on her face.

"Gertrude, right," she smiled. "Thinking about how we'd save up and move to a little house together, so Gertrude would have a yard to play in." She smiled, sadly, pointing to the ceiling. "Rebuild," she said, echoing the lyrics of  _ Call and Answer _ . "Rebuild after the Daxamites. After my father. Build a life of our own. Together."

Alex couldn't hold it together anymore and started crying.

"I miss you, Alex," she said.

"God, Maggie, I miss you, too," she said, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"Do you?"

She exhaled and wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "Yes," she said, desperately. "God, I have nearly died like, four times in the last year and a half and, each time, I want to just come running home to you afterwards."

Maggie took the news of her near-death experiences stoically. "But?"

Alex sniffled. "But I made my choice." She shrugged. "There's no way you'd take me back after I made that choice."

She frowned. "Well, not if you're still going to pick a  _ hypothetical _ child over me, you're right, I wouldn't take you back," she said, some steel creeping into her voice.

"I don't care anymore, Maggie," Alex said, the words gushing forth, surprising the both of them.

"You don't care... about what?"

Wide-eyed, Alex tried to probe the depths of that feeling. The vague desire to be a mom, the image she had of baking a pie and helping a child with homework, while it was still appealing to her, she realized that she'd always pictured that as her future life back when she thought she'd been straight. It had been an image she'd plucked from their heterosexist society. And while she thought she'd be a great mom, and she did think she'd enjoy being a mother... Well, maybe it was time to revisit whether it was as much of a  _ need _ as she'd thought it was.

"Alex?"

She blinked rapidly and looked at Maggie. Having made her choice the year before, having dug in her heels and having lost Maggie, she hadn't needed to revisit the decision. She'd lost Maggie so she could have a child, so she could be a mom.

But a year was a long time. And a lot had happened.

"I don't care about being a mom," she said, softly, "not if it means losing you."

Maggie looked at her carefully. Alex recognized the look. It was a means to protect herself; it was what she looked like before she believed what was being presented to her.

Alex saw her chance, saw the flicker of hope in Maggie's eyes. "I was nearly executed by firing squad by Nazis on an alternate Earth," she said, "and you were the last thing on my mind. You. Only you, Maggie."

She saw the surprise in the other woman's face and continued.

"Reign tried to kill me. And as I fought to keep breathing, with her boot pressing down on my chest, cracking my ribs, you're who I saw in my mind's eye. You're the one I wanted to live for."

Maggie blinked tears away.

"Don't you get it, Maggie? I made a mistake," she said. "I was stupid, I treated you terribly, and I made the biggest mistake of my entire life," she said, tears flowing again. "I‘m still in love with you, I never stopped loving you. That's why you're still on my speed dial, Maggie. I couldn't..." She took a breath. "I couldn't delete your number because it would mean that we were done." She took a step closer to her.

"Alex," she whispered.

She wrapped her arms around Maggie's waist and pulled her close. There was a short pause and then Maggie let her arms encircle Alex.

It had been an excruciatingly long time since Alex had felt so at peace as she did in that moment. She smiled as she heard the lyrics of the Barenaked Ladies song in the background. "Am I the only one," she sang, gently, "who gets to make you laugh? Laugh until you cry?"

Maggie chuckled at that. She stepped back, looking up at her. "You are definitely the only one who makes me laugh until I cry, Alex."

She smiled. "I'd like a chance to continue doing that, if that's okay with you," she said, wiping tears from Maggie's cheeks with her damp sleeve.

"I told you once," she said, "a long time ago, that you got  _ one _ . Do you remember that?"

Alex nodded, wondering where this would go.

"This is the one."

"Yeah?" she asked, a surge of hope flowing through her.

Maggie nodded. "And look, we have a lot of work to do," she said. "We can't just... just get back to where we were, you know?"

"I know."

"And no moving in together yet. And no dog yet. No house."

"I know," she said. "We have a long road ahead."

Maggie nodded. "But, uh," she said, "it's New Year's and we've already rung in 2019 together, so, uh..."

"So?"

"So kiss me, already, Danvers," Maggie smiled.

Appropriately enough, the song that started up was the Barenaked Ladies rendition of  _ Auld Lang Syne _ .

"Happy new year, Maggie," she said, closing the gap between them and melting into Maggie's lips.

After a few moments, they pulled away. "Happy new year, Alex," she said. "And now, now I should probably go."

"Probably," Alex nodded.

She pushed herself up on to her toes to kiss Alex again, gently, languidly. "G'night, Danvers. Text me."

"I will."

"Will you respond to my texts?"

She laughed. "I will. I promise."

"Okay, good," she said. She stole another kiss. "Sleep well."

"Get home safe."

She nodded and let herself out.

Alex thought her face might break, that's how much she was smiling. She locked the door behind Maggie and went to snag her phone to turn off the music before she went to bed. She picked it up and realized Maggie had just sent her a text.

It was a picture of her favourite contacts list. The only entry on it was "Danvers".

She smiled and texted her back. "Good to know I'm not the only one who was having trouble letting go. Goodnight, Maggie."

"Goodnight, Danvers."

Still grinning like an idiot, she got changed and turned off the music and the lights. She climbed into bed and was fast asleep when her sister burst through the balcony door.

"Alex, what the hell is going on?" she demanded, holding up her phone.

She burst out laughing and beckoned Kara over to explain.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs included are:
> 
>  
> 
> [Call and Answer](https://open.spotify.com/track/3eXOdB3PhzshRfji9URbzS?si=snXQ493GTCOZaA4QzDxDBQ)  
> [Some Fantastic](https://open.spotify.com/track/1n9utFT9BZMIoPfHU5yrYn?si=hioqLpIVR7WGUHa4JI9aJQ)  
> [Am I the Only One?](https://open.spotify.com/track/3yvhnrFTwNQwzcJVbelGez?si=UO2S1xX2QoyWjqtX2JUu5Q)  
> [Auld Lang Syne](https://open.spotify.com/track/74BAEN4uiaVhYhj8sZxa3d?si=ZrOb6zJjSTCS9H6P09FhsQ)


End file.
